My husband and I love animals having grown up with dogs, cats, horses and assorted rodents (not rats or mice!). We learned to make them a part of the family treating them with love and respect. One year our daughters begged and teased for us to get a pug dog. I knew nothing about the breed, but eventually we added two pugs to our family. Loving animals means that you risk grief at the holidays.
Shelbie and Crash were only a couple months apart. We spent countless hours laughing at their puppy antics. As our family struggled with taking care of my mother who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, my cancer diagnosis and troubled teens, the dogs became a great comfort to us.
This past summer, Shelbie had to be put to sleep. This week, it was necessary to do the same for Crash. For both dogs, I had to do this on a day off because I knew that I would need time to grieve their loss. My daughters and the grandchildren are absolutely heartbroken.
After we buried Crash, I sobbed as hard as I did when my mother passed away. I was quickly overwhelmed with grief thinking of the family members that we have lost over past holidays. Also, this will be my husband’s first Christmas without his dad. I have to really work to summon up the energy to get through my days at the lab.
I am sharing this with you because many people have similar experiences and the holidays bring reminders of all that we have lost. For my family, the holiday season is all about relationships and giving to one another. We like the decorations, music, traditions and the giving and receiving of gifts. However, sharing love and building good memories are a much more important focus for us.
Coping
I have been able to cope better with the grief as I think about different ways to honor the memories of those family members that are now gone. It helps me to remember the warmth and wisdom of my brother in law, the laughter from my dad’s corny jokes, the family parties at my grandparent’s house.
Every time I recreate the traditional family holiday dinner, I honor my parents and grandparents. Every item I donate to Toys for Tots it is in my sweet baby girl’s name. We donate to local charities that provide meals for local families in need. In doing so, I honor the people who donated to us when we were on the brink of financial ruin. When I donate to the Wounded Warrior fund, I honor my dad and uncles who fought in WWII, and our friends and relatives serving overseas now.
I do allow myself time to grieve and I honor those I have lost. This gives me more freedom to enjoy the holiday season and focus on the relationships that I have now.
If you are struggling with grief this year, try honoring those that you have lost in a way that brings comfort to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy as much of the holiday celebrations as you are able. Perhaps you will start a new holiday tradition. Please take care of yourself as you navigate another holiday season. You have my best wishes.
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