One test for for measuring whether or not you have achieved growth and recovery process for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD) is to assess how much you react to flashbacks and how long the emotional and physical reaction lasts.
As an example: Leaving for work, my garage door was open. I could not find the remote to operate the door. I proceed to work calling my husband on the phone to close the door. He does not answer his cell phone or house phone. After several minutes of trying, I turn the car around to go check on him as he has a history of heart problems.
I know I will be late, but it is worth the peace of mind. Later, while explaining to my boss, I say “if something had happened to my husband and I didn’t check on him, I will never be able to forgive myself”.
The Related Trauma
As soon as the words “I will never be able to forgive myself” leaves my lips, I am slammed with emotion as I am being transported 45 years in the past to the moment I found my brother dead in his room. He died by hanging. Sitting in my bedroom next door, I heard a crashing noise. I called out to him but did not go to check on his well being. Little did I know that he was in the process of dying.
For most of my life going forward, I blamed myself for his death. “If only I checked on him, he would be alive and my family would be happier”. I simply could not get around the fact that it was my fault that he died.
I stored a huge amount of anger toward him for leaving us and even more toward myself. Most of my life I believed the lie that he died because I did not act. The other lie was “I can never forgive myself”. Years of therapy brought me the place where I let go of the anger and forgave him as well. To learn more of my history read my
I still have nightmares on occasion which leave me feeling out of sorts and disconnected from the present. Will I ever forget? Will the flashbacks ever completely stop? I have no idea. What I do know is that I am in a much better place today because I stayed on the road to recovery. To read more of my life history click About Me .
How To Assess Growth and Recovery?
I was taken by surprise at my emotional reaction when talking to my boss. Yesterday’s trauma is real. I measure my recovery and growth by how long it takes me to get back in the moment and continue with the task at hand. Even though it was difficult, I was able to function in spite of memories and emotional pain.
For me, recovery and growth means I can cope with the memories without letting them derail my day. I actually took only a moment to recover. In my opinion, that is significant recovery and growth. Also, I give myself credit for having a good day in spite of my pain.
Growth starts with a decision to be willing to go forward even while suffering. Realize that healing is a process with no time limits. It takes practice to beat back the unbidden nightmares and thoughts that stem from trauma.
Will the accident victim learn to ride/drive a vehicle again without wanting to scream every time he/she approaches a traffic light? Does the soldier returned from war ever stop diving for cover when hearing a car backfire? Will I ever open a door without wondering if someone is dead on the other side?
The short answer to those questions is yes. However, it does take practice and time as well as counseling and sometimes medication. I use all the resources and support I can find. It is my belief that flashbacks and panic attacks are a part of the recovery process.
My Hope For You
Above all, my hope for you is you have made the decision to be willing to go forward even while suffering. It takes grit, determination and a desire for recovery to keep moving.
For example, notice when you take less time to recover from a nightmare or panic attack. What helps you in these situations? What makes your reactions worse?
Focus on putting positive help in your life and build on those strengths.
Please leave comments below and start a conversation. What helps you stay in the moment?
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