Last weekend we took two of our granddaughters to check on our property in the north woods. My six year old grandson begged to come with us. When I was explaining to my daughter that we did not have space to take more than two kids, my grandson was in the background crying “It’s not fair!”
Was he correct?
My answer is maybe, maybe not. It depends on your perspective and your definition of fairness.
Understanding your Brain
More and more scientific studies seem to show we are hardwired with a sense of fairness. We actually have biological reactions to perceived fairness and unfairness.
When we perceive something as fair, such as a pay raise, we respond with positive emotions.
On the other hand, when we perceive something as unfair, we react in the same area of the brain that triggers our flight or fight response to danger.
Our reaction is that of self preservation and protection.
Studies show we tend to be driven by our emotional responses and not logic. (My grandson certainly had an emotional reaction to the unfairness of being left out.)
We Have A Choice
One thing I learned at a young age is life at its core is unfair. We have no control over climate, environment, behavior of others etc.
The question becomes, “How do I cope with unfairness?”
We may not have control over many life events, however, we can learn to have control over our responses to these events. Yes, we can train ourselves to respond logically.
Here are some effective tools for coping when life is unfair to you:
- Recognize our emotional reactions are normal. Acknowledge our reaction. It helps to realize emotions such as anger, hurt and sadness are common.
- Take a deep breath, as it helps to release negative emotions.
- Evaluate the situation. Is it worth it to you to spend your energy trying to make the situation more fair? if not, let it go. (Personally, I have had a tough time learning to let it go)
- Realize we don’t have to like unfairness.
What next?
Over and over in life, I have been faced with unfairness and injustice. It has taken years of practicing (and getting help) to turn my self talk to a healthy place. I hope these few tips will help you as you grapple with the challenges of the unfairness in life. My goal for myself is to keep practicing healthy reactions and hope for a brighter future.
I hope these tips help you too. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself.
Be well my friends.
Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash
