In my most recent post, I talked about how baby steps can help change our lives. Today, I am drilling down a bit deeper on the subject. I was talking with my writing/life coach about my frustrations with myself because I had not been writing for my book. He asked me a simple question “What would it take for you to write on a consistent basis?” My answer launched a conversation about self talk. Read on to see another example of improving self talk.
When Alan asked me the question, I squared up my shoulders and said, “Well, I just need to push through and do it, I just need to get on with it.” I should know better than to say that to my coach! He immediately asked me “How are you going to “just” push through? What does that mean?”
Well, I sat for an uncomfortable moment, trying to figure out what he was really asking me. You probably know this feeling of a deer caught in the headlights. I started to sweat a little because I like to get it right all the time. (Impossible, of course…)
I did not have an answer for him… Why would he ask me? Well, to have me challenge my self talk.
Logical right?
Let me ask you, how often have you told yourself that you have to just push through and get it done? Honestly, how has that worked so far? Does it make you want to procrastinate, putting off achieving your goal?
When Pushing Through Is Unhealthy
There are moments in time when we need to “just push through and do it.”
A couple of examples are:
When our life depends on our own actions, such as running from a burning building or getting to work so we can keep our jobs.
But,
What about the moments where life and lively hood aren’t in danger? Is it reasonable and fair for you say to yourself “I just need to do it?”
What does our unconscious mind hear when we say that?
My performance oriented, perfectionist past condemns me as lazy, insecure or sometimes incompetent….
In reality,
When I avoid doing something it is because I don’t know how or I don’t have the resources I need.
Is the same true for you?
For months I told myself “I just need to lose weight. I got to get on a diet and exercise.” As it happens, that was not a helpful message. The message I gave myself was: what I eat on a regular basis is not good for me, telling myself that I did not know how to lose weight. I had tried all the fad diets only to gain back the weight plus. Frankly, I had given up.
The Lies I Believed
It took some work on my part to understand what I was saying to myself and start to change the internal self talk. This is some of the more important things I learned about my self talk:
- I can’t lose weight because I have insulin resistance. Um, truly people with insulin resistance can lose weight as I am learning first hand.
- Restrictive diets are the only way I can lose weight. I developed this belief by consulting nutritionists and doctors who were well intentioned but lacked a full understanding of my needs. Really, who wants to cut our favorite tasty food?
- People will expect more of me if I change and I can’t handle that. I had to accept the fact that we make changes during every season of our lives, which can be a good thing.
- I am addicted to sugar and I can’t quit. That is a straight up lie. The reality is, I can break the sugar habit especially now that I understand anxiety was the driving force behind overeating. Reducing the anxiety and stress had helped me keep my cravings in check as I learn healthier eating patterns.
- If I want something bad enough I would just do it! Honestly, if I could have, I would have. I think this incredibly important to understand. We accomplish things when we have all the resources and support that we need. Just try building a house with no tools and you will get a clear understanding of this.
Do you have similar beliefs that hold you back from making good changes? It can be a challenge to understand how our internal beliefs affect our choices and actions. However, it is well worth the effort.
What Next?
I needed to understand the resources necessary to change my lifestyle to healthier eating.
So,
I researched lifestyle changes that I hoped would be helpful. Then I decided on a meal plan I would stick with and would most likely work for me. To start losing weight I only had to make a few minor adjustments to the food I was eating. The truth is, I do know how to eat healthy. Now, if I have a sweet treat, it is truly guilt free. The end result, I am consistently losing weight every week and am proud of my progress.
However, I realized that the right meal plan was not the only resource I needed.
I Needed A Support System.
After choosing my meal plan, I enlisted the help of my husband who does most of the food shopping and cooking. He has been my biggest supporter and cheer leader. He helped me look for recipes to experiment with and stocked the refrigerator with plenty of guilt free snacks that we both could share. I also discovered that my sister was following similar lifestyle changes and we check in with each other several times a week.
The three resources I needed, the right food plan, the right food in the house and moral support from my biggest fan, have lead me to saying “I am losing weight” instead of “I just need to do it”. I can’t emphasize enough the need for some form of external support.
Even more, I needed to learn to nurture myself by developing ways of internally supporting myself. I celebrate my small steps of progress which empowers me to keep stepping toward the end goal.
Simply put, the feeling of success is absolutely priceless.
My challenge to you is to pick one thing you want to accomplish but, haven’t so far. Evaluate the resources you need and obtain them. Find out who can support you in your efforts and tell yourself “It is ok to make progress in baby steps. ” Nurture yourself and celebrate every step of the way.
I suspect that you will have the same success that I have found with losing weight. Best wishes to you!
