Do you believe that you can learn to love your life? Are you suffering from physical, emotional or spiritual pain? Has someone you love and trust betrayed you? Are you feeling worthless? If any of these apply to you, I want you to understand that you can learn to love your life! Here are three actions to get you started.
Be Willing to Love Your Life
The first step to any change is the decision to make the change. While it seems overly simplistic, we often avoid making these important decisions. In the back of our minds, we think “How is this going to affect me? Will this force me out of my comfort zone? or “How will this affect those close to me?”
In other words, internally we resist change. We get comfortable with our way of life even if we are miserable. Routines give us a feeling of security. Also, the fear of the unknown holds us back.
In addition, we resist change because we don’t have a clear picture of how change will benefit us personally. We ask if we have the skills needed to make changes. It also takes trust to change whether on a personal, social or professional basis.
These are just a few ways we resist change. To overcome that resistance, we need to make a very clear decision to love our life.
Create a Picture
I love movies, stories and old photographs. When I read a book, I create images in my mind as I read. What does the main character look and sound like? Recently, my family found an old box of records that belonged to my grandparents which contained a genealogy and many old photos.
Some of them date back to the late 1800’s. When I study them, I look at everything in the photo. I wonder what that person’s life was like. Did they suspect that 120 years later someone would be looking at that moment in time? Is this what they wanted their legacy to be?
My life coach tells me that most people do not make a decision about how they want their life to be. But, how do we know when we reach our goal if we have not defined what that looks like for us?
In order to create a new picture in our mind, we often need to change long held beliefs. Surprisingly, we can learn to change the old thinking patterns to develop healthier thinking.
For instance, I had to learn to stop using the phrases should be and have to be. Instead, I continue working to replace my perfectionist beliefs with healthier ones.
Understand Our Beliefs Drive Our Behavior
In addition to have a willingness to love life and creating a picture of the life we want, the next step is to start understanding how our beliefs drive the results we have in life.
Albert Einstein said “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid“
We start to change by looking at our beliefs and deciding which ones are lies.
As an example, my mother was a wonderful first grade teacher who believed that she was incapable of doing simple mathematics. She had overheard her father (who had a PhD in mathematics) tell her teacher that she was stupid and could not do math. That belief was cemented in her soul and for the rest of her life she would have to ask my dad how much money could she spend at any given time. Dad handled all the finances further driving the belief that she could not understand math.
The truth is, my mother taught the math skills needed to balance a check book to her first grade classes. I was grading papers for her one night and realized that she was teaching basic algebraic equations to her first grade class! She was far from stupid. However, she had no one to help her challenge the lie.
In his book, Seven Secrets To Enlightened Happiness Alan Allard states “Being in denial about what you think and what you feel will never get you what you want. Awareness and acceptance is the beginning of all change. You can’t change what you resist and deny.”
Awareness and acceptance are key as you learn to love your life.
What Next?
Because we may not be consciously aware when some of the most difficult beliefs are embedded in our thinking, we need to examine our beliefs continually.
- Start listening to your internal thoughts. What do you hear?
- Is this true or not?
- Challenge the belief with a better one.
For instance, when I get dressed in the morning, I avoid looking in the mirror any longer than necessary to get ready for the day. The self talk has been “I am too short, fat and ugly, No matter what I do, I will never be pretty.”
What part of that belief is true? I am short and overweight. I am used to my height and cannot do anything to change my that. Yes, I am overweight and am working toward a healthier diet and lifestyle.
Where did I learn I was ugly? When I was growing up, my mother would look at me and say, “You’re such a homely girl.” I do not need a dictionary to understand what she meant.
I work every day to change the belief saying to myself, “I am just the right height for me, my diet is improving my health everyday and I am a good looking woman who has a wonderful smile and sparkling eyes.”
Recently, dressed to attend a baby shower, I glanced in the mirror as I walked past. Without hesitation, I said aloud “You look pretty!” Surprised, I nearly dropped my purse. Positive change is possible!
When you decide to change negative self talk, realize it takes time and patience to change. Give yourself some grace as you learn new techniques and ways to think healthier, you will learn to love your life.
For a related article, read my post Choosing Impossible Hope
Link To Purchase Referenced Book:
The book “Seven Secrets to enlightened Happiness” by Alan Allard can be purchased at http://amzn.to/1iIs8VE . I do not receive any compensation for the sale of this book. I just think it has very helpful content.
Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash
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